About the Poem

A verse about Naughty Amelia Jane, the grannicidal maniac. You're unlikely to know what grannicidal means, as I've just made the word up, but you'll understand its meaning much better when you've read the poem.

Category

Cautionary Verse

Style

Nonsense Poem

Length

20 lines

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Author

Max Scratchmann

Naughty Amelia Jane

Amelia Jane from Meadow Lane,
Microwaved the cat again,
Put her knickers in the tea,
Filled the kettle with her pee.

Then she stole a lobster pincer,
Put it through the kitchen mincer,
Put a mouse in Grandma’s cheese,
Then sawed her artificial knees.

Grandma fell out in the garden,
Amelia Jane said, Beg your pardon,
Sorry if I kicked you, Granny,
Thought you were the meter mannie!

Grandma said, I’ll fix you, madam,
I’ll cover you in Tar Macadam,
Plus some feathers from the tanners’,
That’ll make you mind your manners.

But Amelia laughed and said,
Only if you keep your head,
Then she shot her on the spot,
Ta ta, Granny, thanks a lot!

Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved

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Funny Poems and Nonsense Verse for Kids
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Copyright © Nonsense Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2013 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright Max Scratchmann and used with permission