Bad Children and Cautionary Verse

Max's Bad Children and Cautionary Verse is a selection of nonsense verse about naughty, wicked and sometimes really evil children. The Cautionary Verse element of the title suggests that there is salutary element, perhaps even a moral dimension to the poems, but this being nonsense verse you sometimes have to search quite hard to find it.

The Bad Boy, Horace McDougal

Horace is sent to jail for killing his mother, but after escaping from prison with a little assistance from Lill, the couple elope together. If you're expecting a happy ending, you haven't quite got the hang of Cautionary Verse yet.

Amanda Spick and Span

An unusual tale of a girl who has such a passion for cleaning she finally drives all her family completely round the bend.

The Goat Boy

How does one cure a boy who believes that he's a goat and behaves like one as well? Just for once, it appears that mother doesn't know best.

The Awful Story of Peedie Angus and the Soup Bowl

I must confess that when I first read the title of this poems, the phrase Peedie Angus and the Soup Bowl made me think it might be a very unpleasant poem indeed. Instead it's a simple tale of a very brattish, tiresome child who misbehaves outrageously in a restaurant. Until, that is, a fellow diner extracts a most fitting revenge.

The Story of Lobster Boy

I've included The Story of Lobster Boy with the cautionary verse, but in many ways its a pure nonsense poem with a slightly ambiguous cautionary message. It's about a boy who every evening after tea disappears to the bottom of the ocean, put on his lobster claws and gets into fights. So far, so strange, but the problem is his mother objects to his lobsterish behaviour.

Hungry Arthur

A poem about Arthur, a young boy who ate everything and anything, until the inevitable happened.

Skinny Vinnie

Skinny Vinnie is a boy who eats lots of fattening food, but stays as thin as a rake. While in most cases being thin would be a virtue, it proves to be Vinnie's undoing.

The Hunger

Another poem on the theme of gluttony, although The Hunger is rather unpleasant. It's about a man, Geoffrey-Geoffrey Dinglyby-Smythe, who eats his relatives, his neighbours, and a few innocent bystanders.

Shoe Boy

The unfortunate Shoe Boy, who was born with a shoe for a head, received less than sympathetic treatment from the medical establishment.

Naughty Amelia Jane

Amelie Jane, the eponymous anti-hero of the poem, descends the slippery slope from naughty girl to grannicidal maniac in just five verses. Don't worry, there's lots of fun along the way, so long as you keep reminding yourself that it's all made up.